Last time we mentioned how it didn’t take long for people to find our
*get help* button at zoeyshea.com and to start seeking our amateur, yet amazingly
insightful assistance. Everyday we are get emails on the things other people do, all of which fall under the label of CRAZY, or worse : POSTAL. Today’s
topic is no different. This Carazy train we are riding is an uber useful tool,
and boy are we glad this one found us.
The
latest dilemma brought to our attention may need an intro. In no uncertain
words kids: Alcohol? Is something you should never take lightly. Period. Especially when it may cause you to
go postal, flip things and seriously damaged and/or drown something or someone.
In
the rays of sun shiny days, it goes without saying folks will just
get toasty red. BUT – a dangerous, plain tore up from the floor up maneuver is
likely when *getting toasty* is a combo of alcohol + water + boats. We
ain’t talking about a should’ve recycled that bottle of water or the infamous testosterone
boat. We are talking YACHTS. Summer is when this seems to rear its ugly
head because let’s face it – if you could be on a boat? You would be.
Over
exposure to the sun is enough to drive one over the edge. *No pun* Now, we ain't gonna judge anyone, but we are gonna say this boat is anchored out on the water somewhere in Tennessee. Seems fitting. *Cue the “Rock Star” song*
::Play Along::
A boat is anchored out in a cove in
the waters of Tennessee,
and it is a large boat. YACHT. Alongside of this YACHT is a series of redneck
front porches all tethered together with bungies. All of the boats have illegal
alcohol on them because they picked to party in Tennessee, and every single boat has an
apple product rigged up to play their music.
All at once, all at the same time.
The day progresses happily and while
it may be getting late in the day ,the party ensues. After a few keg stands on this YACHT and a
few shots of everclear jello shooters conveniently made up in huge plastic toy
medical syringes, for easy dosing; it becomes clear that one of the folks MAY
NOT be playing well with others. Blame Moonshine? Sweet mutha.
From
the depths of this party cove you are startled to here “IMA GONNA FLIP THIS
BEEEEAAATCCCHHHHH”
::Play Along Finished::
*cue the "So What" song* Obviously
– someone not sharing all of their toys has irritated another member of the
cove posse. No lie.To
help this in despair cove possier we must to revert back to the childhood days
of the sit-n-spin.
Don’t
lie. You had one too. Remember when you
would spin around so fast you felt like your head was gonna fly off and roll
across the floor? Well, you would ROLL OFF the sit-n-spin and get so
crazy feeling you would fall over then jump up swinging at the other kid
because he wanted a turn. You freak out the kid, get your turn back, you are
the winner – YOU are #1!!!! Well,
being #1 isn’t the goal here, nor is trying to get back on the sit-n-spin.
In fact
the moral of this story is:
When
you get pissed off in the water, on a YACHT, and have been drinking with other
boats surrounding you? MAN UP! Kick the *TOOL* off the boat that ain’t
playing right and make it happen cap’t! Then as you commandeer your stolen vessel away from the
sight of the non share – turn slowly raise your middle finger and scream *YOU’RE
NUMBER ONE*
Liberating.
Dang!
Don’t try and *FLIP THIS BEEEEEEATCCCHHHH*
Your insurance ain’t gonna
like it, and neither is your chiropractor. Just sayin.
*This
post is brought to you because someone emailed us through our *GET HELP*
page at zoeyshea.com and complained of an intense inner urgency to flip YACHTS
when under the influence of everclear or moonshine. They needed help. We are
glad to have offered our insight. Peace
out and rock the number 1.
