Our favorite Christmas movie is a tie. It's between ELF and Christmas Vacation. As humorous as we find Will Ferrel in tights, we've gotta admit that watching Clark Griswald suffer through family time gives us a sense of satisfaction. Every time we hear "Clark, I don't want to spend Christmas dead," we chuckle and think....mmhm. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
Zoey's gonna do a quick recap of Christmases past and see if that is truly the worst prospect. There was the Christmas that sister threw mama from the car. Yes, Zoey's sister threw her mother from a moving car. Tossed is how mama likes to tell the story. Here's a quick recap of how that went down...Sister meets boy. Sister falls in love with boy. Mama doesn't. Boy decides he's moving in. Problem is that mama lives with sister. Next problem? Boy doesn't want mama living there with sister and boy. So naturally, sister invites mama out to lunch, at Christmas, to tell mama she's moving. Well, in the car on the WAY to the lunch date, mama gets a little lippy. Tells sister that she should get back with her ex, the hot drummer, and drop this zero. Sister decides mama has to go. Right then. As the car is moving. Mama ends up on her butt. And outside of the car. Clutching her cell phone, speed dialing Zoey. That was one merry holiday.
Then, there was the year that Zoey's brother came home from the bar, drunk, and just in time for the holiday meal. And he wasn't alone. Wait, did we mention that brother was living at sister's house, with mama too? Yes, that was one of those "Guess whose coming to dinner?" moments. And "we brought our own bottle." Now break out the hand sanitizer. Oy vey.
Or the cheery holiday when Zoey's other brother, the second angriest man in America, behind Bill O'Riled Up O'Riley...he shows up with his pregnant wife and proceeds to get in a screaming match with mama. Then chest bumps his own mama as Zoey pulls them apart and has to tell brother to grab his sorry ass and even sorrier wife and leave. While Zoey's ex-husband (who had yet to become an ex) pretended to change a light bulb in the hallway for 20 minutes so he wouldn't have to get into a fist fight with lippy brother-in-law.
Wow, we can almost hear the jingle bells. Yes, family is the number one cause of holiday drunkiness. If you're smart? You'll carry a flask.
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