BREAKING NEWS - FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
In a shocking dislpay of dude-dom, Zoey Shea is here to announce that TOILET SEATS have just been invented.
There are two parts to the toilet seat.
Part 1 :: There is a part of the toilet seat that has a hole in the middle of it. You know the one? The one mama uses? It is hinged to the back of the toilet and is attached to the actual potty and to part 2.
Part 2 :: The solid seat. Mama uses this one too. Mmhmm. She uses it to put on her pantyhose, spanky spanks, socks, and most often you have seen mama on this seat cleaning out your dirty nose.
This new invention is here for a reason. Listen up.
example :: Ever drink out of a plastic bottle? The screw top you call a LID, you know, the one you PUT BACK ON?
example :: The car in the garage? When you change the oil and lift up the hood (AKA - LID) you close the LID when you are finished.
Well, you get the point. Mama just fell in the toilet because you didn't put the LID BACK ON.
Keep it up offspring and you will find yourself in an outhouse, or to your surprise? You will find that mama bought some super glue and glued that LID SHUT.
Ahem! Just clearing my throat for this one...
I thought Mama's have eyes in the back of their heads? Why couldn't Mama see that the seat was up before plopping her lurvly arse onto the throne? Sure, blame the kiddos or everyone else that you (Mama) got a surprise of cold water on your Royal HighnAss when you (mama) could not be bothered to open your eyes in the front or back of your heed. Ahh that felt good. I will be ducking for cover now. byeeeeeeeeeee
Posted by: Scott | 12/16/2009 at 03:26 PM
Mama... ahem. Has eyes in the back of her head. And - she's got catlike reflexes. So when the portion of the body seemed to lower more than normal? Animal instinct kicked in and christening of the *ahem* area was indeed avoided. However, you speak as though you have perhaps been a victim of your own bad habit? mmhmm. #justsayin. Care to share?
Posted by: Zoeyshea | 12/16/2009 at 07:45 PM
Well mama, I have grown up in a house of women and have gone down this road before. Evah heard of the saying "look before you leap"?
Just curious, you mentioned you fell in and yet you said your animal instincts kicked in and there was no "christening" in your reBUTT. Which is it?
Imma gonna play Mamas advocate here for a sec. If I were have a seat at the throne and was in a rush. I would look or grab seat first. Sit second. Butt that's me.
Posted by: @scottk75 | 12/16/2009 at 08:57 PM
You got out of bed to reBUTT our reBUTT? NICE! *fistbump* mama fell in - but didn't hit water. Compare the scene to walking on water. Like most woman do. That's all.
Posted by: Zoeyshea | 12/16/2009 at 09:02 PM